I haven’t felt beautiful in a very long time.
Four pregnancies, three births, multiple complications from those, grief, sickness, stress and the course of life has changed me. It has changed not only how I look, but how I feel about myself and the world around me. The past couple of weeks have been rough. First, I took a bad fall that left me with multiple minor injuries, including a sprained right wrist and jammed fingers. About a week later, I had a freak accident while helping my husband uncock his crossbow after hunting, causing my hand to swell up like a softball instantly. I came home from the ER with pain meds and a brace after three doctors inspected my x-rays and couldn’t find a break. They said I could still have a hidden fracture, and may need follow up x-rays if I don’t heal properly as the swelling fades. I’m currently typing this one handed, feeling far from beautiful.
My children think I am beautiful.
Today- as I was soothing my cranky teething baby girl- my oldest wanted to take my picture. When I asked why, her reply was startling- “Because you are so beautiful, Mommy!”. Since I was wearing the clothes I slept in, have green fingers peeking from an ungainly blue brace and barely combed my hair today, I was curious enough about what she was seeing that I couldn’t to tell her to go ahead. I didn’t feel like posing, so she got just what she saw…me being their mommy. I don’t see physical beauty at all in the photos she took, but when I look at it from her perspective, I see what she was looking at. My daughter saw me loving on her baby sister, and she thought it was beautiful and wanted a picture of her mommy doing what she does.
This was a powerful reminder of the truth in the old saying “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder”.
The beauty of a person is often in how you look at her. My daughter didn’t see the tired face. lack of grooming and sloppy clothing I would have zoomed in on had I looked in the mirror. She saw love and nurturing. I see the toll life has taken. She only sees the person who gives her and her siblings love, security and care. When I look at my children, I don’t just see that they are physically adorable (which they obviously are….lol). I see my dreams come true, their giving spirits and all the love their little hearts are overflowing with. I see endless beauty.
Who thinks you are beautiful?
Mommies, I know you often feel ugly and you are hard on yourself. We all get that way now and then, especially when we are struggling like I was when I wrote the poem at that link. Maybe it would help if you saw a glimpse of yourself through the eyes of someone who loves you. It could be your daughter, husband, parents, sister, best friend or the kids you mentor. Who knows? No matter what you look like or how you feel about yourself, someone sees the beauty in you. They see who you are, and they think you- the real, unfiltered, everyday you– are truly beautiful. Let that touch your heart. Maybe it will help you look at the woman in the mirror in a gentler light.
Feeling lost in the demands and wonder of motherhood? Read my thoughts on being More Than a Mom!